can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize