I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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