Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
