I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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