Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
