dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
