My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
