You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
