i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My life is pants optional.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
