hotel room ftw
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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