i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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