remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
