When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
