I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
