I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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