There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
