Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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