the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize