The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
