How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
