Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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