it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
