I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
