i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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