i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
