walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
