Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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