Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
