My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
