Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i came on her dog
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
