i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
