I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
