he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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