areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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