honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
