My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
