Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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