4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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