I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
