Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
