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Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone signed my nipple.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
