I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
