We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
