got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
