sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
