Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
