There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
