Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
