She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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