you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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