I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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