Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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