you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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