i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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