I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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