The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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