so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
