If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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