Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
