Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
