Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
