1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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