Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
