I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize