Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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