Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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