is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize