Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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