Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
