so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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